Our Feature Friday today is Jenners from Life With a Little One and More. I found Jenners’ “Goldilocks and the Three Bloggers” story on another blog I read and instantly knew we had to be bloggy friends. I cannot read one of her posts without laughing out loud. No really, one of those slightly awkward sitting alone at your computer chortling to yourself and making hubby stare laughs. So let’s start it off with the one-minute interview.

• What is your favorite crafting tool or secret weapon? Well, I’m pretty much crafting impaired so I guess my secret weapon would be my tool for getting my 4-year-old to do whatever I need him to do when he is not listening. The secret weapon is counting to 5 — very slowly and very loudly. I’ve never told him WHAT will happen if I get to 5, but it works as he always does what I need him to do before I get to 3. The power of numbers!
• What is your least favorite part of the house to clean and why? That would be the master bathroom. I love the bathroom — it was one of the reasons I wanted the house — but cleaning it is like disappearing into a black hole. I feel like I’m in there FOREVER. Probably because it has two sinks, a garden tub, a standalone shower and a toilet … way too much stuff to clean! And the irony is that the garden tub — in which I envisioned myself taking many bubble baths by candlelight when we looked at the house — is only used to store the drying rack where I dry my brassieres.
• What is the oddest appliance you own? I was racking my brain trying to think of one and asked my husband and he said “the oven.” Har dee har har. Though he has a point — I rarely use the oven — yet it has still managed to get something on it that just won’t come off. I don’t know if it is odd but I do have my own little wax warmer for melting wax to remove my …err..umm.. I guess “mustache” would be the proper word.
• If you were a vegetable which one would you be? I can honestly say I have never once thought about this before. I think I will go with brussel sprouts — almost no one I know likes them so I think my life span would be longer. Plus I think they are kind of cute — like little tiny heads of lettuce. I love little vegetables — like those tiny little corn things you see or teeny tiny peppers.
• What is on your bathroom counter? Because I’m too lazy to go upstairs and look, I’m going with my memory: an electric toothbrush (the longest two minutes of any day), a little basket with my expired make-up (I don’t think I’ve worn make-up since my son was born; I should probably throw it all out as I suspect I’d get a skin disease if I used it), various lotions and cleansers that I almost never remember to use on a daily basis, his and hers soap dispenser, a tissue box, about 4 different shavers that belong to my husband (why he needs 4 I have no idea — I guess maintaining a goatee requires a tremendous amount of tools), and a hairbrush.

There is no better way to start this feature than with the post that got me hooked in the first place. It is such a fun and light way to talk about blogging etiquette.

Goldilocks and the Three Bloggers

(pic courtesy of johnlepinski.com)

Once upon a time, a lovely young girl named Goldilocks was playing happily on the Internet while her little baby slept peacefully nearby. (Yes, she had a baby. She had struggled to put the baby to bed last night but now the wee babe was sleeping peacefully. This is a literary device called foreshadowing. The sleeping babe will come into play soon.) She was frolicking around on the nice safe haven that is Facebook — completing quizzes, sending Easter Peeps to her peeps and struggling to understand what to put in the new empty box. After all, the prompt “Goldilocks Is…” had recently disappeared — leaving her unsure of what to write. (Goldilocks wasn’t a very bright or creative girl; she needed that prompt.)

As she was playing around, she accidentally clicked on a link that led her to a strange world — the Land of Blog. “We’re not in Facebook anymore,” Goldilocks thought to herself (confusingly mixing up her story references). “All these pages look so different.” But Goldilocks was intrigued…she wanted to see more.

She clicked on a little sign that said “Next Blog.” Suddenly, a loud noise assaulted her ears. It was music playing loudly. Goldilocks didn’t know where the music was coming from — and the loud music woke up the wee babe. “Waaahhh….waaaahhhh,” cried the babe. “What the flippin’ hell?” thought Goldilocks, panicking. “What is happening?” She frantically clicked on “Next Blog” and the music blissfully stopped. “Oh my,” thought Goldilocks. “I sure don’t like that. The music scared the bejeezus out of me and woke up my sleeping baby. I sure don’t want to visit that blog again!”

The new blog she had clicked to was much more peaceful…but it was taking an awfully long time to load. Goldilocks kept waiting…and waiting…and waiting…and then she lost interest and clicked “Next Blog.”

The third blog was just right. No music was playing and the page loaded in under 5 seconds. “Wow,” thought Goldilocks, “this blogger must have checked their blog loading speed at Pingdom and used some handy blog optimization tips found at MintBlogger. It loaded in just 3.9 seconds!”

Read the rest of the Goldilocks post, trust me you want to and if you are like me need to!! (I’m not gonna lie, after reading this I made some adjustments to my blogs!)

Evolution of a Nerd is another one of Jenners posts that is a must read! Seriously Jenners, I almost peed my pants with this one. How can I not share this with the world?

This is just one of many.

Advice from a Lazy Housekeeper has some great advice and of course a side dish of laughs. Sadly, I already use much of this! 😉

Great laughs and advice Jenners! You are now entered in to the Hall of Fame as Tipper of the Week!

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